Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Top ten CrossFit things that bug me

Yesterday's workout (on my own):
A few handstands against the wall (quit because my wrist was hurting)

5-4-3-2-1 pull-ups

Find max front squat



20-15-10-5 reps OHS with the bar (35#)

Now I'm going to play the cantankerous old-timer and bitch about CrossFit, because that's just fun.  There are a few things that have been bugging me now that I'm rounding on my 4-year CrossFitiversary (copyrighted, 2012, you must pay me to use this word from now on).  I need to get them off my chest.  So here is a top-ten list.

10 CrossFit things that are starting to grate on me
  1. Referring to your gym as a box.  Stupid.  It's a gym.  If you feel like that's not special enough, then just call it an affiliate.  "Box" makes me cringe and I don't even know why.
  2. Vibram five fingers.  Ick.  I HATE them.  As a society, we must take a stand.  Something that looks that ridiculous should be universally scorned and mocked. 
  3. Working out in a skirt.  You can run in a skirt if you MUST, but for the love of god, please do not squat in a skirt.
  4. People saying snatch is hard.  Yes, it is, it's crazy hard.  That's why world-class athletes train decades for only three tries at it every four years in the Olympics.  Work on it and get over yourself.
  5. People bragging about their 2 and 3 a days and their overuse injuries in the same breath.  More is not more.  Less is more.
  6. Acting like CrossFit is not only a sport (it's not), but The Best Sport Ever (it's not).
  7. People saying they're strict paleo except for birthday cake and bagels.
  8. Not knowing the difference between a push press and a push jerk when you've done a thousand of each.
  9. "Strong is the new skinny" shirts, "Our warm up is your workout" shirts, and every stupid shirt someone thinks is awesome and clever and makes them feel better than other people.  Special exception for hilarious Rippetoe quotes.
  10. Overpriced crap.  You don't need $200 minimalist sneakers, just get some $40 indoor soccer shoes.  You don't need every branded food and shake and supplement and knee wrap and jump rope they market at competitions.  You don't need a new color-coordinated Lulu outfit every week.  Quit being such an easy mark with all that disposable income, CrossFitters!  Get back to basics, eat some meat, and sweat in regular gym clothes. 
and bonus, #11. HQ Politics and Big Controversies and going after people who write satire.  If you don't know what I'm referring to, don't worry about it.  If you do, you know how high school it is.  If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to beat you up many, many times.  The CrossFit community is both great and ridiculous.  It's okay to admit that.  


Old Greg said...

I Try to only wear shirts with a slogan created by me. Maybe that's a bad idea,too.
I can take Five Fingers in the gym, but with street clothes-- never. Ahhh-it is great and ridiculous!

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