I've been back to CrossFit for over a week now. It's really rough to come back. Yesterday we did 150 wallballs for time and I couldn't even finish. My body just failed. It's definitely a process to get back to where I was. I have trouble getting myself to scale the workouts down enough. And during pregnancy and childbirth my abdominal muscles separated, so I'm basically working with an injury, which I've never had to deal with before. I saw a physical therapist yesterday and am starting work on repairing my abs, plus I have a better idea of what exercises I need to avoid, so I think moving forward I'll just treat postpartum like an injury and really try to be smart about what I'm doing, and not beat myself up so much for going easier. That requires setting ego aside, which is difficult for me! But I need to do it.
It's always easy for me to write about the ins and outs of training, but the bigger life issue I'm dealing with now is balance. I feel like I have a dozen balls in the air and I don't even know how to juggle. I was doing okay with baby care and part-time work and an occasional climbing date or doctors appointment. But last week I added workouts (3 a week) and this week I'm adding more hours at work and physical therapy, and so I'm getting pretty overwhelmed. The key is to prioritize the different areas of my life, but the problem with that is that while I'm pretty disciplined, that means I don't have much experience prioritizing. I tend to say, well, just work harder and do it all. But taking care of an infant all day and never getting an uninterrupted night's sleep takes its toll on my usual ability to always dig deeper.
The areas of life I'm trying to juggle are: child care, work, exercise, physical therapy, home stuff, social life, and me time. And that's about the order of priority. But that doesn't mean they're not all important and often interconnected. And that's where I struggle. Let me set the scene.
I'm working on my laptop with one eye on the baby, and I realize I'm stressed out by the mess in the room, so I start cleaning up, then I realize I didn't thaw any meat for dinner, then the baby starts crying and how long has it been since I fed him? Oh, I didn't do my physical therapy exercises yet. And I'm exhausted from the drive down the mountain this morning and the workout and errands and the drive back up the mountain. And has it really been only 3 days since I did laundry? Did I feed the bunnies? But now I need to get on the phone for that telecon, and the baby is still crying and will they hear him eating if I put the phone on speaker? And I really just want to sit down with a cup of coffee (decaf so the baby's not crazy) and knit a few rows on my shawl, maybe take a picture of it and write a blog post about knitting lace, but wasn't I going to email someone about getting together for lunch next week? Wait, I didn't schedule the doctors appointments yet - put that on the list next to the groceries I forgot to pick up and the automated bill pay I have to reset because I lost my wallet Saturday and had to cancel all my credit cards. (Yeah, that really happened.)
Ughhhh. But the good part is that I'm staying afloat. The house isn't a disaster, I manage to get dinner made every night, I haven't gotten fired yet, my kid is growing and thriving and I haven't dropped him on his head, and my body is getting stronger too. I've seen friends a few times, and I'm learning how to work fast whenever a nap happens.
Anyway, that's why I haven't been posting, even though I really want to. I was so consistent about posting for years, and now I've probably lost all my readers. But I'll keep writing when I can because the blog has been an important outlet for me, and I still love writing about CrossFit, and knitting, and nutrition, and all the other random stuff. I hope you'll keep reading, even if it's not what it used to be.