Monday, May 9, 2011

Less


Look at this bunny. What do you suppose he's worrying about? His self-image? His health? His career? How many friends he has? How dirty his house is? What he's going to make for dinner, the bills he has to pay? Who is mad at him and why?

Answer: none of the above. He is able to do a good toes-together side flop and completely relax, because he has none of this going through his head. And I think this bunny has it right.

I'm tired. I'm worn out from trying to be too many things. I need some flop-on-the-floor peace. So I'm going to do less.

I'm going to shop less. This one is pretty easy. The only thing to watch out for is online shopping, deals I just can't pass up. I'll delete coupons and deals as soon as I see them in my inbox and simply not process them mentally.

I'm going to travel less. This one is also pretty easy - as I get further along in my pregnancy, travel becomes more difficult. The hardest part is not daydreaming about and planning all the trips I wish I could take. And then agonizing over whether I should spend the money. So I'll just decide to stay home and then I don't have to think about it anymore.

I'm going to compulse less. That means stop making so many to do lists, stop checking Facebook or my email so frequently. Stop feeling the need to read through every single post that comes through on Google Reader. Stop fighting so hard for control on go-nowhere projects at work.

And most important, I'm going to think less. I'm going to make a more concerted effort to quiet my mind and my worries. There are a lot of things that weigh heavily on my mind these days, the biggest one being feelings of isolation. It's one thing to feel lonely, but thinking about feeling lonely is much worse. Thinking too much about why you feel bad about something is called rumination, and it is a fast track to depression. When I can clear regrets and criticisms from my mind and focus on the present and what's around me, I feel pretty good, pretty optimistic. So when I find myself going down the rumination road and feeling bad, I'll just say to myself "less, think less".

Something for myself


I wanted to make something for myself, so I started this scarf yesterday. It looks green in the photo but it's actually more blue. The pattern is the open check pattern from the 365-day stitch calendar I got years ago, with 24 stitches cast on and no border. The yarn is a worsted weight Berroco acrylic/nylon blend, and it's knitted on US size 10.5 needles, so it goes fast. That means I'll be able to wear it soon. It's nice and airy and shouldn't be too hot for spring mornings.

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