Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Get over yourself: Ego in the gym

Bleeding heart on my desk, new flip flops on my feet. Yeah, baby, it's summer.

Today's WOD:

21-15-9 reps for time of:

Squat clean 55#
Box jumps 16"

My time: 9:12. I don't know how to feel about the workout. I'm trying not to dissect my performance so much, except maybe to focus on the positive. I took the height of the box jumps way down to work on stringing together jumps. I was able to get 2-3 in a row, better than before. I went very low on the weight of the squat cleans, and at least by the end I was getting under the bar better, rather than catching it high and squatting with it. My time was pretty fast, form improved a bit, so good, end of story. Tomorrow is a "rest" day - going climbing at lunchtime, possibly *light* weightlifting technique work in the evening if I'm feeling up to it.


It (finally) occurred to me today that I resist scaling workouts for one big reason: EGO. I see the fire breathers next to me doing heavy weights, and I want to do what they do, or as close as possible. Even if it's not right for my training, even if it's holding me back from improving (which it is). I hated to see that 55 by my name on the board, indicating that I scaled the workout by 30#. But that's not about pushing myself, it's just about ego. It doesn't make my workout easy to go lighter - I'll go as hard as I can whether I'm lifting just the bar or ten pounds under my max.

I gotta get over myself if I want to keep improving. No one but me cares what weight I do. I don't have anything to prove. I wish I didn't always have to come to these realizations in the most painful way possible, over agonizing months of stress and resistance and repeatedly beating my head against a wall. But I guess painful realization is better than no realization.

Lots of Links


Jane said...

Love the bleeding heart photo - I remember showing that trick to you when you were just a little girl. It's still pretty cool. As for painful realizations - brace yourself. There will probably be more of those in your future - if you're anything like your mom :)

claudia said...

Good for you on dropping the weight in order to make progress. I've just re-set all my maxes too, so that I can work on form and some strength imbalances. Two steps forward, one step back, still gets us where we are going.