Survived the Mt. Sanitas Challenge. This was my second attempt at running Sanitas (see here for first attempt back in October), but this time there was a little more than just the run. We biked from the gym to the trailhead (about 5 miles?) ran the loop, then biked back to the gym, then did a workout:
row 1000 m
for every second over 3:45 on the row, do a burpee and a pull-up
My times were:
1:55 for the bike+run+bike
4:25 for the row
some lost time before and after the row
total time after all of it (including burpees and pull-ups): 2:14 something
I PR'd my 1k row at 4:25 (prev. 4:29), great to PR but I still owed 40 burpees and 40 pull-ups. Not sure how I got through that, I almost walked out to the car after the row, but I didn't want to go through all that and not finish.
I didn't run much of the uphill, just walked as fast as I could, ran most of the downhill where it wasn't too steep. I think my run time was considerably faster than last time, but I don't know for sure because I only got the time for the bike+run+bike. I was reasonably happy with how everything but the bike went. I have a ton of fear on my bike due to an accident that I have never psychologically recovered from and due to me being a huge chicken on top of that. Because I was afraid, I went very, very slow on the bike. I'm frustrated that I let it get to me so much when it wasn't a hard or scary ride at all.
I know it's a pretty big accomplishment to get through all that, but I'm still left feeling disappointed. I was the last to finish by a pretty big margin (Mike was close but that's because he was nice and stayed with me the whole time.) I don't mean to be a bad sport, and I know I should focus on my own improvements and not compare myself to others, but I just hate that I've been training hard for almost 10 months now (and especially hard the last couple of months) and I'm still always last, always the worst one. I hated today when everyone was done and people were cheering me on and it just made it sting even more. I just wanted to finish by myself with no one watching because I felt so humiliated. It almost feels patronizing, and I know that's not how it's intended, I know everyone is just nice and wants to encourage everyone to finish, and if roles were reversed, I would do the same thing. But it still stings. I don't want to just survive a challenge, I want to be good. I want my hard work to be reflected in my performance. But then I have to question myself - did I really work that hard? I took it easy on the bike so I wouldn't freak out too much. I walked on that loop. I went slow down the steep parts. I took a rest before and after my row. So I don't know. I can play the victim all day, but it really comes down me and what I do. And I guess it disappoints me because I know could do more, and that's probably why I'm last.