The past 24 hours have been difficult. But they just got insane. I think the only way to deal with this is to write it up as a humorous story, or I will just lose my mind. Hell, I've already lost it. Here we go.
A friend (I'll let her remain anonymous) coined a great phrase today: an underwear-inside-out day. You know, the kind of day that you barely get through because everything that can go wrong does go wrong, and then when you're changing clothes at the end of the day, you notice that your underwear is on inside-out. Because it was just that kind of day, and you were doomed from the start.
An underwear-inside-out-day starts with a single but out-of-the-ordinary problem. Mine actually started yesterday afternoon when I got a migraine at lunchtime. One of those scary ones where you can't see or feel your hands or reason clearly about anything. Delightful. It cleared up just in time for my scheduled phone call with my boss's boss. That's right, the single problem now starts to snowball. After confessing to him that I was "fuzzy" because of a migraine, I proceeded to enter hard-line salary negotiations. Smart, huh? Yeah, that's about how seriously he took me. Brick wall, if a brick wall could be scared of an angry employee. When finished with that, I had to clear up all the confusion from the incoherent "migraine emails" I had sent out. Later, I cried at work. (Unrelated to any of this, believe it or not.) I was so relieved to get out of there at the end of the day. I thought to myself, now I'm out of the building, so things can get back to normal.
So I went to the gym. Went great! Everything's fixed now. Except when I drove home, I left everything at the gym. Everything includes my coat with my house keys and cell phone in the pockets AND my bag with my work laptop in it. Just left them sitting right near the door, didn't realize till I got home and there wasn't enough stuff to carry to the door (or a way to open it - fortunately we had an extra set). So I called, embarrassed - you left what? That too? Your work laptop? Ooo-kay.
Today I had to pick up my computer BEFORE work so that I could actually DO work, so I got up early and went by the gym to get my stuff. Getting up early apparently threw off everything, including my schedule and my ability to function like a rational human being. I got to work, set up my laptop, type type type, now it's time to go to the gym. Today was a special day, because it's the last weightlifting class of the week and the ladies were doing an after-workout social lunch. I've had this blocked out for a while, have really been looking forward to it.
So I was ready to go, put on my coat, and started to head out. I realized I didn't have my keys. Mike and I carpool every day. We have two sets of keys, and almost every day we take the truck, so I hook the extra set of truck keys onto my purse with a carabiner. Today, however, in addition to leaving early, we took a different car. So no car keys, only truck keys. Mike drove, he has the car keys. No problem, I can walk to the gym. It kind of sucks because I have on heels and a dress today (of course, I never do that), but I can walk, will just be a little late. But no, my gym clothes are LOCKED IN THE CAR. I called Mike - he's in a meeting. So I texted him - no answer. So I went with the last option - freaking out, loudly, in the lobby of my office building. The office manager was very sympathetic, but also looked a little alarmed, especially after witnessing most of my drama from yesterday. I said, aha, maybe I can break into my car! So I hurried down to the parking lot, relieved to discover that we had left the hatchback unlocked, and, in my (short) dress, I crawled in through the back of the car to retrieve my bag of workout clothes. That was about as elegant is it sounds. Took a couple tries, but I got them! The office manager's sympathy (or curiosity?) extended even further, because she offered to drive me to the gym.
Got to the gym and whew, back on track! I worked out (in a somewhat chaotic manner), had a great, loud lunch with the ladies, and bummed a ride back to the office from one of them. I was already planning my apology to Mike for the very urgent and snippy message I left him on his phone.
When I got to my office, there was a message from Mike. It was very brief. Are you ready?
Amy, your keys are on your purse.
I looked. There they are. The car keys, not the truck keys. They've been there the whole time.
I should just start over.